Lifestyles of the Poor and Inbred
by pkitten21
Summary: Once upon a time in a trailer park too close to home, Edward and Bella got married and lived happily in a single wide...until one day when they ran out of beer. Bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Rated M ExB


**Trailer Trash Cullen One-Shot Contest**

**Title: ****Lifestyles of the Poor and Inbred**

**Your Pen Name: pkitten21**

**Characters: Edward & Bella**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer wrote a more refined and proper Edward**–** sometimes I like him trashy and uncouth…**

**ѼѼѼ**

"Baby, give me a minute to finish this up, okay?" Bella said, pulling the covers up on their bed in a half-hearted attempt to make it as Edward grabbed her hips and rubbed his hard cock into her ass.

"Sure thing, Sugartits."

"Sugartits? Is that some kind of new nickname, Edward?" She laughed quietly, throwing an old, flattened pillow to the top of the bed.

"Yeah." He continued to grind into her, hampering her movements. "I saw it on a porno over at Emmett's." He moved his hands up from her hips and lowered her tube top so he could play with her boobs. "Thought I'd spice things up with a little _romance_."

Bella felt her nipples tighten under the touch of his rough fingers and sighed at his idea of seduction. At least he was trying something new; his usual idea of romance was taking his socks off before they fucked.

She threw the last pillow where it belonged and leaned back into him, moaning as his hands squeezed her tits. "That feels so good, Baby."

"That's 'cause I know how you like it."

She lifted her arms above her head and pushed her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling his lips to hers in a sloppy kiss.

He released her boobs and moved his hands to shove her cutoffs down over her hips before bending her back over the bed. "You know I can't resist you when you tease me all bent over like you were when I came in. It's like your ass is sending me an invitation to a party in your pants, Bella-baby. And you know how much I like to party in your pants."

Her breaths became short and heavy in anticipation for what was coming. She barely heard the sound of his shorts hit the floor before he ran his fingers down the lace of her thong, shoving the fabric aside only to push into her hard and fast. Bella gasped at the sensation, thanking God that she was wet enough for him to slip inside so quickly. He might act like an idiot, but he knew exactly how to make her hot.

As soon as he found his rhythm he moved one hand from her hip and placed it on her lower back, pressing her down harder onto the mattress while caressing the tramp stamp made up of a heart and their initials that Bella had gotten tattooed after their third date.

"Mmmm…harder, Baby."

"Like…this…Bella-baby?" The bed squeaked loudly in protest each time Edward slammed into her from behind. She wasn't going to complain though, it felt good.

"Oh, yeah." She moaned, her voice rising in pitch with each syllable. "Just like that, Baby."

He definitely knew how she liked it, and he knew that she liked it best when he was behind her.

All too soon his pace increased, his body pounding against hers like a jackrabbit on speed until he groaned and fell against her. Her hopes that he would lend her a hand in finding her own release were dashed when he sniffed loudly and pulled away.

"Thanks, Babe. I needed that." Edward smacked her ass, then pulled up his shorts and burped loudly as he walked down the hall toward the front of their trailer.

"Ugh! Yeah, it was fucking good for me too, Asshole!" She yelled after him and flipped him off with both hands. He snorted and ignored her, not taking the bait.

Bella pulled her cutoffs up and adjusted her tube top to cover her boobs deciding she wasn't really in the mood to finish herself off and stepped quickly into the tiny bathroom to check her hair and make-up. She teased it with a comb to restore the height to her bangs and spritzed an extra couple of shots of Aquanet for good measure. Then she closed the accordion door and moved on down to the living room-slash-kitchen.

As she passed the velvet portrait of Elvis hanging above the painting of her Lord and Savior, she crossed herself and gave an exaggerated wiggle of her hips in honor of her Kings. Edward was standing in front of the fridge popping the top on a can of Milwaukee's Best.

"We're almost out of beer."

"I'll go over to Rose's and see if she can drive me up to the Quick Stop to get some," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"Fine. Emmett and I are going over to Jasper's to work on the chainsaw carvings, try and get 'em done before the fair." He tipped the can back and gulped down the beverage.

"What time you gonna be home?"

"I don't know." He drained the can and turned to throw it in the trash. "Later."

"Well are you gonna be home for dinner?" She crossed her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"Hell if I know. Why you always gotta nag me, Woman?"

"Don't call me _woman_!" She uncrossed her arms and pointed a finger at him, looking for a good fight since he'd cheated her out of an orgasm minutes before. "Your mother doesn't put up with that shit, and I won't either. I have a name."

"Well then, _Bel-la_, how about this? I'll be home when I'm fucking good and ready." He stomped past her and slammed the door open against the outside of the trailer and stalked off down the street.

"You're such a fucking asshole, _Ed-die_!" Bella yelled after him, exaggerating his name the same way he had hers. "If you break the door I'm not going to get my daddy to fix it again!"

She turned to go back inside, missing Edward's choice of gestures as she slammed the door shut behind her. As soon as the door closed she covered her face with her hands and growl-screamed into them, venting her frustration.

She picked up a small, tattered, vinyl pouch she kept her cigarettes in and unclasped the top, removing one from the soft pack nestled inside. They might be out of beer but at least she still had a full pack of smokes. She lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply. Glancing at the wall, she looked at the picture of her and Edward at their wedding the month before. The honeymoon was definitely over, not that there had ever been one, unless you call staying one night at the local Motel 6 a honeymoon.

Bella finished her smoke and once again made the sign of the cross and wiggled her hips as she always did when passing the portraits of the Kings, then picked up her purse, snapping her cigarettes inside the pocket and headed back toward the bedroom.

When she got to their room she opened the top drawer of their built-in dresser, carefully moving her underwear out of the way so she could lift up the false bottom of the drawer. Underneath was a very small stack of bills she kept stashed away from Edward. It's not that she was honestly—or rather _dishonestly_—hiding things from him. She just had to keep what little cash they had out of sight or it would slip right through his fingers down at Green's Tavern when he'd play pool with the guys.

Rose only lived a couple of trailers down from her and Edward, so it wouldn't take that long to walk over to her single-wide. Bella grimaced as she walked past Edward's old Pontiac T-top sitting up on blocks in their driveway, and briefly stopped to weed the flower bed she'd planted in the trunk. Even if he was able to get new tires, the engine needed to be replaced and Bella knew they'd never have enough money to fix it. Edward knew too, that's probably why he'd only put up a small protest when she'd planted the marigolds with the help of his mother last week.

As usual Rose answered the door with curlers still in her hair, a cigarette hanging between her lips and a beer in her hand. "What's up?" she asked, leaving the door open for Bella.

"We're outta beer. Can you gimme a ride up to the store?"

"Sure. Just lemme get my purse." Rose drained the dregs from her can of beer and set it aside, and tugged on the hem of one of her tanks. She wasn't wearing a bra and even though she had layered one over the top of another you could still see the darker color of her nipples through the thin fabric.

"You got someone to buy for us?" she asked as she bent down to pull on her imitation Uggs, and when she stood up again she adjusted the waist of her cutoffs to rest a little lower on her hips – as if that were really possible.

"Not yet," Bella shrugged. "But there's bound to be someone hanging around that will do it for us."

As soon as Rose had her purse in hand they made their way to the car in the driveway.

"Bella, can I bum a smoke?" Rose asked as they climbed into the little two-door Chevette.

"Jesus Christ, Rose! Get your own." Bella snapped as she tossed her a cigarette from her soft pack of Private Stock.

"I would but, I had to get one of my nails fixed at the salon after I clawed Emmett's face for watching porn with Edward while I was talkin' on the phone with my ma, and the welfare check don't come 'til next week." She stuck the keys into the ignition, and as soon as the engine roared to life they took off toward the closest liquor store.

"Go raid Emmett's stash. I know you'd rather smoke his expensive Camels than my generics anyway."

"I would, but he's trying to quit again, so the only smokes he has are the ones he's fished out of the ashtrays down at the park." She grimaced and shuddered for a moment, her long, beaded earrings brushing against her shoulders with the movement. "I'll be God-damned if I'll put something in my mouth that's already been between someone else's lips."

Bella looked at her, cocking one eyebrow up in question before they both burst into laughter. "Like that's stopped you before!"

"Hey! I may be hard up, but I'm not desperate. Besides, the same rules don't apply to cocks."

"Lord knows if they did you'd never get any!"

It didn't take long to get to the Quick Stop, as it was only a couple of blocks away from the trailer park. Bella immediately spotted their buyer. Carlisle Cullen, her father-in-law, stood in front of the little store leaning against the wall next to his old ten-speed bike.

"You know, Bella…" Rose looked at her with a smirk, "…they say… you can tell what your husband is going to be like when he gets older by looking at his parents."

"Shut the fuck up, Rose," Bella snapped at her friend. She couldn't help but look over at her father-in-law and hope to Christ that Edward wouldn't take after him.

Carlisle's tattered buttoned-down shirt had the sleeves cut off short and hung open exposing his bare chest and abs that at one time might have been something to look at, but now just kind of sagged. His jean cutoffs were frayed and held up by an old neck tie he was using for a belt, and when Bella looked down she saw that he hadn't even bothered to change out of his slippers before leaving the house.

His greasy, long hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and he was wearing one of those cheap two-tone, blue and white braided terry cloth headbands across his forehead as a sweatband.

"Alright." She pulled the handle on the door. "I'm gonna go ask."

As soon as the door shut behind her she scanned the parking lot again. Carlisle was still standing by himself. Bella made her way over to him and gave a small wave when he noticed her approach.

"Hey there, Beautiful Bella." He smiled and pulled himself away from the wall. "How's my pretty little daughter-in-law?"

"I'm good, Carlisle. Edward and I are good." She returned his smile and stopped in front of him, pulling out another smoke from her pouch. "It's good to see you here, actually. I need a favor."

"Anything for you, Sweetheart." That sentiment coming from anyone else might bother her, but she knew Carlisle was a harmless, flirty, old man.

"We're outta beer and I need to restock the fridge. Can you buy for us?" Bella tilted her head in the direction of the car where Rose sat waiting.

Carlisle laughed loudly and slapped his thigh. "Well ain't that funny. I was looking for the same thing for me."

Bella looked at him completely puzzled.

"They won't let me buy here anymore, and I can't drive since I lost my license, so I was looking for someone to help me out," he explained. "If you can spot me a ride up to the Seven-eleven I can get us somethin' up there."

"Sure, sure. Not a problem. Rose is driving."

"Just follow me home so I can drop off my bike first."

Bella walked back over to the car and climbed in. "He'll buy for us, but not here. We gotta follow him so he can drop his bike off back at the trailer."

Rose rolled her eyes and pulled out of the parking lot, following Carlisle down the street. "Is he drunk already?"

"Maybe." Bella watched him peddle as fast as his slipper-covered feet would allow. He swerved to the right, almost crashing the ten-speed into a parked car, and Bella just shook her head. "I actually think he may have smoked one too many bowls today."

Rose winced. "I hope not. Esme's gonna be pissed if he smoked all her weed again."

It didn't take them long to get to Carlisle and Esme's trailer. He stopped in front of the home and chained the bike up to one of the support posts of the carport. As he headed inside Bella got out of the car and flipped the seat forward so she could get in the back. They only had to wait a minute or two before Carlisle came running out of the house with Esme hot on his heels.

"Where you goin'?" she yelled from the steps of their trailer.

"Shut up, Woman!" he yelled back as he climbed into the passenger seat of Rose's Chevette.

"Don't you _woman_ me, Carlisle Cullen. You get your ass back here!"

"It ain't none-a your bidness what I'm doin', Esme," he yelled out the window of the car. "I'll do whatever I damn well please, Woman! Quit repressin' me!"

Rose lifted her eyes and met Bella's gaze in the rearview mirror, both of them trying not to bust out in laughter.

"You leave right now and you can find someplace else to sleep tonight!" she yelled as we backed out of the driveway. "Don't think I don't see you two girls. I know where you live!"

The trip to the Seven-Eleven only took a few minutes and before long Carlisle was back in the car with a case of beer and a pint of Canadian Mist for himself and one of MD 20/20, which the girls knew was for Esme. It was the only way to get back in her good graces, and a smooth move on his part—virtually the equivalent of a bouquet of flowers from the Quick Stop, only better because Esme _loved_ Mogen David.

Bella and Rose dropped him off in front of the trailer, and while Bella was getting back into the front seat, Carlisle was pounding on the locked door pleading his case to his wife.

"You wanna come over for a bit?" Rose asked as they wound their way through the narrow streets of the trailer park.

"Better not." Bella shook her head. "I'm not sure when Edward's gonna be home from Jasper and Alice's and I better have the beer cold and in the fridge by the time he gets back or I'll have to listen to him bitch all night."

Rose nodded in understanding.

"You wanna come over to our place instead? I got smokes and beer. We could go pick up Alice so she has somethin' to do while the guys work."

"That sounds like a good idea," Rose replied. So, instead of stopping at Bella's trailer, Rose continued on toward Alice's place at the other end of the park. "I'm so glad Jasper and Alice finally got together."

"So am I. I always knew they'd be good together and then when she got knocked up I knew it was meant to be."

"I know, right? It's so romantic that they're getting married at the fair in the beer tent where they met." Rose turned onto Alice's street.

"I know," Bella agreed "She's going to look so awesome in that dress she found at Goodwill. Thank God she's only six-months preggers, otherwise we never would have found a dress to fit her!"

Rose pulled into the driveway, and from the lack of noise it was obvious that the guys were nowhere to be found. They walked up the stairs and directly into the house, completely disregarding the "Beware of Dog" sign attached to the front door. They both knew better than to knock. Alice's Rottweiler only attacked people that knocked on the door–obvious strangers since family and friends always just walked in.

Alice told them that the guys had gone to get more wood and agreed to come over since she was sick and tired of the noise from the chainsaws. A half hour later they were settled at Bella's watching an episode of _Cheaters_ and enjoying some beers and smokes.

"I'll tell you what," Alice said, pausing to take a long drag off of her cigarette. "If Jasper ever cheated on me he wouldn't get off as easy as these fuckers. I'd throw all his shit on the driveway and take his chainsaw to it."

"No joke, right?" Rose said inspecting the tips of her two inch, acrylic nails. "Emmett knows his world would end if I caught him cheatin'. I scratched his face the other day with these babies when I slapped him and I wasn't even tryin'."

Just as Bella was about to add her two cents, Edward burst through the door, sweaty and breathing heavy, like he'd been running. The girls just stared at him while he peeled off his damp and stained wife beater, dropping it on the floor where he stood. He headed over to the fridge trying to act all nonchalant, but failing miserably.

"You get that beer like I asked?" he asked, opening the door to the fridge.

"Yeah, it's in there." Bella looked at the girls, who shrugged, all of them thinking the same thing. "You guys get the wood you needed?"

"Um…yeah, I think so," he said distractedly, popping the top on a beer and gulping it down. Before he was done, blue and red flashes passed through the windows of the trailer.

"Fuck!" Edward yelled, tossing the can of beer away as he ran toward the back of the trailer.

"What the fuck, Edward?" Bella jumped to her feet and looked down the hallway to their bedroom as she crossed the room to answer the knock on the door. "What'd you do?"

Bella opened the door and stared at the officer in silence, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Ma'am, is this the residence of one Edward Anthony Cullen?"

"Yeah. What did he do?"

"Ma'am, is he here now?" the officer asked, ignoring her question.

"He might be," she answered and looked over at the girls in the living room and then down the hall to see him trying to wiggle out of the window in their bedroom. "Goddamnit, Edward! What the fuck did you do?"

She ran down the hall after him while the two cops on the porch ran around to the end of the house where Edward was trying to make his escape through the window. She made a grab for him but only caught the hem of his shorts as he slipped out and to the ground outside.

"Don't tase me, Bro!" She heard a scuffle outside.

"Edward?" She screamed, poking her head out of the window where the cops had him pinned to the ground, shorts around his ankles and hands being cuffed behind his back. "Edward?"

They hauled Edward to his feet, citing his rights as they led him back around the house. Bella ran as fast as she could back down the hall and out into the driveway, yelling, "Oh, shit! Oh fuck!" the entire way. Rose and Alice followed her outside, keeping their mouths shut as they watched their best friend's husband being hauled around the end of the trailer.

Edward looked up at her and cried, "I'm so sorry, Bella-baby." He then looked back down as he stumbled along in front of the cops.

"What the hell did he do?" Bella yelled approaching the officers, keeping her eyes on Edward's sobbing face.

"Destruction of public property, indecent exposure, and fleeing the scene of a crime, Ma'am. We already have his accomplices in custody."

"Destruction of public…Indecent what?" Bella screeched, lunging for Edward. "You Son of a Bitch!"

Bella's fists made contact with his bare chest, pounding against him in her fury. Behind her Alice's and Rose's voices rose in their own rage.

"Accomplices?"

"Goddamn you, Emmett McCarty!"

Strong hands grabbed Bella by her shoulders and pulled her backward away from her husband. "Let me at him, damn it!" She continued to struggle against the officer holding her. "You're lucky these fucking pigs have you in cuffs, Edward!"

"I'm so sorry." Edward continued to blubber as they headed to the police cruiser. "We were just cutting down trees in the park, Bella-baby and I had to take a piss. I'm so sorry, Baby."

"Let me go, damn it!" Bella shrugged out of the officer's grasp and lunged for Edward again, her hands extended in front of her like claws.

"Ma'am, you need to get yourself under control before you find yourself in cuffs as well." The officer pulled her back again before she had a chance to reach him.

"Shit!" She struggled against the officer again, then screamed. Rose and Alice came to her rescue, pulling her away from the officer and wrapping their arms around her. "Goddamn it! Edward? Edward?"

Tears streamed down her face as they pushed him into the back of the cruiser. He looked out the window at her, his face filled with remorse and she made another scramble toward the cruiser as it pulled out of the driveway.

"Don't take him, I love him!"


End file.
